Sunday, June 11, 2006

Jonathan Papelbon Does Not Understand Why You Cannot Find Him a Camel at 3am in Brookline.*

It does not matter what he wants the camel for. Jonathan Papelbon's business is Jonathan Papelbon's business. Excuse me. Are you looking directly at Jonathan Papelbon? Looking at Jonathan Papelbon implies ownership. You are to look directly at the floor and only speak to him in low, dulcet tones to demonstrate that you understand that Jonathan Papelbon is not ours, buto only on loan to us.

Jonathan Papelbon is willing to take a camel with one hump if you are not able to procure one with two or three humps. If you could cover a baby elephant in green velvet, that would also be acceptable. He can be reasonable with you. It is of utmost importance that whichever creature you are finally able to present to Jonathan Papelbon answer to the name Crayola.

Jonathan Papelbon is hungry. This camel business is taking too long. He wants eggs Benedict with the eggs on the side.

Do not make Jonathan Papelbon wait much longer.

*with deference to Kristen and Prince.